Headline: Girl Marries Seaman

On Saturday there was much liquor consumed by all at Pearl Street as many of the finest graduates from our high school gathered for Becky and Derek's wedding (and a mini-high school reunion). The bride was stunning. The groom was charming. The DJ played Def Leppard and Bon Jovi. The bartenders were cute and willing to hand out drink umbrellas. I would have taken a bath in the vat of mashed potatoes. In short: