The Christian Singles Are After Me

The word dating scares me.

This is probably because I've never been very good at it. I'm a little too spastic and nervous to be a good dater, a confident dater, a girl who is able to go on many dates with many boys. My roommate Megan is the exact opposite. She is addicted to dating. She will go on a date with anyone, even boys she's not exactly attracted to. She has a good attitude about it. She thinks everyone deserves at least one chance. Actually, they deserve more than that. If Megan has a bad first date with someone, she will still say yes to a second date because she's as big a believer of second chances as she is of first chances.

I wish I could be like that. I think it requires a certain strength that I don't have.

The notion of dating is everywhere lately. It bombards me on the TV, in my e-mail, even when I go out to dinner with my girlfriends. Everybody's dating or talking about dating.

Twice this month I've received an e-mail with this subject line: THOUSANDS OF CHRISTIAN SINGLES ARE WAITING FOR YOU!

Why I got on the list for this particular brand of spam is beyond me. It's not like I'm cruising Christian singles sites. It's not like I'm mooning around and telling people I want some nice Christian fellow to come woo me with sweet talk about Jesus. I don't think Jesus is appropriate first date talk. Of course, what do I know? It's not like I've been going out on a lot of first dates. If we don't count that dinner with one of the nine fingered groomsmen from Katy and Matt's wedding--because he said he wanted us to double for a nice steak dinner, and I'm a girl who likes a fine steak, even if it means informing Katy I have no interest in this groomsman, even though he's a very nice boy and she better not tell him there's going to be some kissing at the end of the night--if we don't count that night, then I went on approximately two first dates while I was in Minnesota.

I'm not a dater. The boys I've known and loved have sort of just fallen into my lap. But I'm wondering if that needs to change. I'm not getting any younger, after all, and my friends are slowly but surely moving in with significant others, getting engaged, and getting married. This makes me nervous.

A few nights ago I was sitting in front of the television and the new commercial Match.com is running flashed on. It's a slick commercial. Clever. The whole thing is shown in black and other very dark, very stealthy colors. The voice-over is calming, whisperish. It's okay to just look, it says.

Oh, I hate myself for admitting this, but I looked. Later that night I logged on to Match.com to see what kind of Buffalo men were advertising themselves as single and ready to date. The results weren't amazing, but I did find one man whose profile showcased wit and impeccable grammar. That made me feel a little better.

But it's not like I'm willing or ready to throw myself into the dating ring. I guess I'm still being a silly girl and hoping for some grand, beautiful gesture that will just come around on its own. Without any work on my part. I just want to stand here and have the right man fall down next to me. Maybe when I look down I'll be surprised to see he's someone I already know. Maybe he will be a complete stranger. I just want it to happen naturally and easily. I don't want to have to worry about first dates, first impressions, good outfits, the right hairdo, appropriate conversation topics, that dreaded uncomfortable first-date silence.

I just want a boy to be with, and I just want him now.